My child won’t talk
Q:
Why will my 18 month old not talk to me?
My son seems to be fine in all other aspects of growing, but when it comes to saying anything, all I get is mumbling. He will occasionally say a word or two, but it seems to be on accident. An example would be at breakfast he pointed to his glass and said "Milk" when it was clearly a soy-based milk substitute (because I truly am a better mother than anyone else) and all I could do was turn away from him in disgust. Dr. Worst, I am worried about how people will see me if my son isn't normal!
-Worried in Wichita
A:
Worried,
First of all, state and federal authorities have demanded that I no longer abbreviate my first name with "Dr." any longer. As part of that demand I must also inform you that I am not a licensed doctor of any kind. I honestly do not know why I must do this, however because I am a very smart guy.
While you seem to have your priorities dead on target, you may have missed some subtle points of execution. The child may take your turning in disgust as lack of interest. This is good as it will only serve to strengthen his self-reliance (as such a good mother shouldn't have to be bothered with actually having to pay attention to the child), but you were paying attention to him in the first place. When you DO pay attention to him, it should be with re-enforcement to support your desires. Such re-enforcement should take the form of ridicule of his rudimentary vocabulary or punishment when the child is mumbling so as to promote full words.
Chances are that you really are already doing what you should be doing, but since it is common knowledge that ALL children should have a full, developed vocabulary by a year and a half, there may be another issue. Bottom line is that your child may be a retard. Some people say that children who take longer to talk tend to be smarter, but they say that because they are dumb themselves and embarrassed by their retarded offspring. You should definitely avoid THOSE parents as you are such a higher quality mother.