someone called a radio station and said they had seen a neon pink puppy and wanted to call the police. they went on and on about how cruel it was.

i do the dying myself, and its vegan with no alcohol or chemicals AT ALL. its the same as koolaid when it stains your hands. should i be worried or should i feel bad for her being so close minded?

PS; the puppy is a WHITE female. there is no bleaching, and when she is pink she really seems to have a little strut in her step. everyone who sees her and interacts with her can see she likes it.

-Codie in California

A:

Codie,

Firstly, I am horrified. Horrified by your writing. The Army should have higher standards for its wives (as you say you are in your profile). But personal advice is not what you are seeking, so enough of that.

I don't know if the color would be bringing the police around as much as the wholesale slaughter of Vegans that it would require to get enough red fluids to water down and stain a puppy pink. I mean, how do you dispose of the bodies?

I am not so familiar with Vegan culture so that I can say that a Vegan would approve of the use of their bodies, but I do believe there are local laws against this kind of behavior. Where are these Vegans you use from, anyway? Is there a Vegaslovia or is it just Vegas? IF it is Las Vegas, wouldn't they be called Las Vegans? But I digress.

There is also the overlooked issue of if the puppy were to get a taste of this "dye" you are using. Once the puppy turns into a blood-lust ridden beast, you'll have to put it down and get another one. This is an inevitability at this point, isn't it? Might as well get it over with.

Next time it might be better for you to get a dog. Enjoy!

-Doktor Worst