Trick-or-Treat(-or-Broken Hip)

Q:

Doktor Worst,

My teenage granddaughter is going trick-or-treating this year and it has looked so much fun in years past. I was never able to go trick-or-treating when I was a child and I would like to see what it is like. Should I go trick-or-treating with my granddaughter? She hasn't asked me to go, but I sure would like to.

-Dorothy from Kansas

A:

Dorothy,

Unfortunately, I am unable to answer this question. Why? Because today marks a most glorious day in the observation of Independence Day (in Turkmenistan).

You see, on this day in history, Turkmenistan was freed of the oppressive yolk of the Soviet Union.

I know that you value my opinion on your issue, so I guarantee that I will address your problem, whatever it is, tomorrow. As for today, I must not touch technology so that I can show proper reverence for the sovereign nation of whatever country I mentioned earlier.

Enjoy your Turkmenstireshireton Independence Day!

-Doktor Worst